Lake Tahoe

“He can move the mountains.” That’s all I could think about as we glided across the crystal blue water surrounded by giant mountains on all side as if they were hoping to give the water a hug. These mountains that I cant even take in without looking up or all the way to left or right, He can move. Sure, usually these are metaphorical mountains. The addiction you can’t overcome the hate or guilt that just won’t go away, I however like to imagine God reaching down and moving the mountains like they are nothing. Then the water from the boat motor splashed me in the face and I laughed. How many times will he forgive me? More than the drops in the ocean. I’m not even in the ocean. I’m on a lake (Lake Tahoe). Yes, this lake seems giant, and it is…in some areas it is deeper than anyone knows, but this lake’s volume is incomparable to the ocean. I suddenly feel tiny, so tiny, yet so blessed. I looked up at the big clouds and the blue sky and smiled “Hi, father”. I looked back over at the biggest mountain across the lake and imagined the earth as God created it, I imagined the mountains like play-doh as he pulls and stretches them into place. He probably smiled as he put Lake Tahoe together, so excited to share something so beautiful with His children. As I’m staring off taking in everything around me, the mountains, the trees, the clear blue water, my mom looks over and says, “This place really is calming”. I nodded, there was no doubt that this place brought on a sense of peace and calm inside me and I believe that’s solely due to the fact that all I can think about it how big, beautiful and merciful God is.

Mark 11:23 Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

Daniel 9:9 The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.

Ephesians 2:1-22 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked … But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.

Airplane

Flying in an airplane is one thing I could never get tired of doing. It takes what my everyday image of the earth is and blows it into new proportions; proportions that sometimes I cant seem to fully grasp. I like to think of it as that piece of art at the art gallery that up close is a cluster of pennies of obvious different ages from the varying colors, but when you take those couple steps back to take in the whole image (as people at art museums tend to do) you realize that mass of pennies is actually a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Which also then brings in a lot of irony that you wouldn’t have seen if you didn’t take those steps back to take it in just a little bit more. God has blessed us with the ability to see his creation on an up close and personal scale, seeing all the detail he’s put into it, but at the same not seeing the true detail at all (i.e. microscopic organisms and atoms). And suddenly I realize that in reality no comparison can compare to the perspective we see this world at because we could probably forever “zoom in” or “zoom out” of what we know as earth and life and never cease to be amazed by how much is put into what we take as an everyday occurrence. There are some amazing artists that have walked this earth, but none compares to the artists that resides in Heaven. If God took so much time to make the zoomed out version of earth just as beautiful as the zoomed in version then why wouldn’t he do that for every son and daughter that He has. The bible verse Matthew 6:30 comes to mind when I think about all this.

“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

God took the time to make something (like a flower) beautiful beyond measure, just to wither away or be thrown into fire. God has poured everything He has into making His children who they are. However, seeing earth in this way doesn’t only make me think about how I am made, but also just how great God truly is. It’s views like these that make me ask how does anyone look at something like that and think it’s on accident? How does someone see how every field, lake, river, road, mountain, and forest makes a quilt across the seemingly tiny ground and think that it is just how it is. There is a God that is obviously greater than anything we could wrap our heads around. I can’t help but look out the window and want to sing, “Lord, we know that you are here now.”

Bisnieta

The name Kathryn came from my great grandma. Carrying the name of my great grandma has always made me strive to be what I knew of her, and to be honest that wasn’t much from my own memory.  The objects and thoughts that came to mind were things I heard from other people. Pears- from her and my aunt in the pear tree. Fluffy- the poodle she had that I never met. Tea sets- from the set sitting on my grandmas mantle. Then I started to try to think of my own memories.. tobacco- from the cigars she and Pop would smoke on the porch. Amish- from the valley she lived in, and will always remain my favorite spot to be. Smocks- for the clothes I remembered her wearing in the nursing home. Quilts- for the one that I thought was so beautiful that covered her fragile body. And the worst memory death… my first death I can remember. A couple days after we got the news I remember it hit me, the woman I was named after just passed away and I hardly had a clue on who she was. I can remember kissing her face before they closed the casket and trying desperately not cry over the feeling that I just lost who I was supposed to be.

I clung to what people told me she was, and trying to relate her personality to mine, dedicated, stubborn, creative, independent, strong. My fear was to take her name and to be someone far from her. The fact is, I got so wrapped up in trying to be someone I hardly had a memory of that I often forgot to be me. I often feared who I could be, it seemed much safer and easier to relate off what others said was a honorable woman. Recently I realized that I don’t have to be what I chalked up to be a perfect person, I can be me and still be accepted, and I learned this through accepting Christ in to my life. Even though my great grand mother carried character traits that I desired, I just had to let myself realize that I in-fact had a lot of those character traits naturally without fighting myself to be that person. I am Kathryn Anne Adams, not Martha Kathryn Bigelow. I will never know her quite like my grandma and my aunts and my dad, but I know that whoever I am will make her proud. I am the great grand daughter of my mimi, but that doesn’t make me my great grandma and that’s okay.

Boxing Him up

I have ventured into the book of James (my bible reading is chronological so sometimes I skip around with books). There is so much in this book that I absolutely loved, but something that really stood out to me was James 1:23-25

23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

I think part of why this stood out to me was the fact that just that morning I looked in the mirror and thought “wow I look good today”, and when I turned away that confidence fell away and I was back to imagining my face as the distorted version that I’m sure most people can relate to. The question I immediately asked myself was, “If I constantly forget what I look like after looking in the mirror, then how often do I read the bible, pray, or go to church, and as soon as I am done, return to the world in thought?”

I think the concept of putting Jesus “in His own box” is something incredibly easy to fall into habit of doing.  Someone recently said to me that we so often pray that Jesus take every part of us. Yes, we pray that He take the key to our minds and our hearts, but what we don’t share is that the key we give Him keeps Him locked out of certain “doors” in our life.

Everyone has that door that they try to keep hidden, for me that’s having control. I like everything in its place at all times, and when things don’t go quite the way I planned it, a breakdown ensues. Every time I lose control, I am doing just as I did in the mirror.

I have a  painting above my bed  that reads “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10. I read that every single day multiple times a day, and the “image” I see in the mirror when I read that, is God has complete control of my life.  But, as soon as I no longer have a hold on the events of the day, I instantly turn around and forget the “image” of God’s control, I am doing just as James 1:23-25 warns about. Something I obviously need to work on in my life. Knowing this, I find a great comfort with trying to fight the sin in my life with the fact that the battle is already won.

I challenge you to find what you are forgetting when you turn away from the mirror.