I had a very unexpected conversation the other night with a guy who started questioning what I believe. When I told him that I was a Christian he came back with “yeah, but that’s only because you grew up as one”. However, I would like to say quite the opposite. Sure, I was around the church growing up, I called myself a Christian, but I did not grow up a Christian. I knew the bare minimum, Jesus died on the cross, Adam and eve started it all, Jonah was in the belly of the whale. I responded back with “No, I didn’t know Christ until I was in college” and this was true. Ask me Jesus’ character and I would have responded with the simple answer of loving and kind and that would be as far as I could go. I didn’t really KNOW Jesus… or God for that matter. Sure, I believed they existed, but that was the extent of it. The next question I got hit with was “Why… why did you decide to follow Jesus” I paused for a minute at this. “Why would I not”, was what I wanted to say, but something else came out of my mouth. “Because it gave me an identity.” He fell silent at this and did not ask anymore. However, at this, the thoughts started racing in my head. Something else had triggered in my brain:
“When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don’t wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can’t remember what grace is.”
I had forgotten what it was like to not have an identity in Christ; I had forgotten what a sacrifice it was that Jesus died for our sins just so that I could know Him. This little sentence that I didn’t expect to slip out of my mouth created a landslide of love that I was so desperately hoping for. Why do I look for identities in places where I know it will never be found when my identity is a child of God. I am found, I am not forgotten. It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday, and I find myself trying to be the savior of my own life, only to have small moments like this where I realize I am oh so wrong.
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I am so undeserving of God’s love and yet he loves me anyway. No matter how bad I mess up His arms are still open because I am a Child of God. When will I ever learn to just fully trust God and stop trying to do things on my own time? My identity is greater than just Katie, greater than just daughter, sister, friend. So, why do I so easily forget? I keep trying to be perfect in my own identity, but I don’t have to be. Jesus from a very young age knew His calling he never did doubt what God had called him to do. It is so easy to dehumanize Jesus, to think that He was not tempted like we are. He didn’t have to live life like we do, but He did. He was as human as you and I and He lived perfectly, and for that, I am so thankful.